did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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