I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Come see our sink grown plant.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
