Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
