plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
