oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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