you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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