You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Randomize
