I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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