youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
