best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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