He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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