i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
