Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
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I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
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This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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