Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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