I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
