Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
