RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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