Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
