I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
