So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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