Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Randomize
