Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
