She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
