She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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