Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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