I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
