Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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