where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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