Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
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