Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
