all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
