if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
