Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
