This is not my ceiling
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
