how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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