How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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