11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
