I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
