I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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