Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
