You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
where are you?
Hypothermia
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
