Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
