i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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