between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
being pregnant is like rehab
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
