Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
