I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
