these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
