just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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