areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
