He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
