went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
