WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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