I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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