Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
