I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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