I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
you had me at cake vodka
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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