i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
