why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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