just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
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