What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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