sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
