Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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