god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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