AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
