i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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