whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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