Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
