I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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