Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
