if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
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We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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