I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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