Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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