I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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