I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
