Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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