when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
