It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
