Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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