All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
