The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I cannot find my penis.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
