We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
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Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
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It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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