Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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