Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
